Kevin Fowler "Worship Leader". That is what my office door reads. It's a very weird title if you think about it. Especially if you know what a goofball I am! I guess I hope that the Holy Spirit will lead and the rest of us will follow. Sometimes this is true and sometimes its not. For all of us I mean.
I have played guitar since i was 10 years old. Never took lessons. Just played what dad taught me. The most rockin' christian band in the world (hahaha) "More Abundant" really shaped and taught me how to play and sing though. We were never the Pre-Madonna's who played gigs and were cocky and demanded a bowl of only green M&m's with luke-warm water to refresh our throats. We did have a few gigs with bands such as these though. We would teach, play, sing, hangout, preach for whatever the church would pay (usually less than $200 for a week or weekend ) and all the money went toward the band's van payment. The van burnt to the ground on a ski trip by the way. God rest her soul "Bertha". 5 humble guys who loved to sing, play, hangout, teach, preach and whatever else the youth leaders wanted us to do. We loved it!
I had a couple of opportunities to lead worship solo during those days of "More Abundant". It was very horrible (in a Charles Barkley voice). When I moved to Michigan, I started leading worship with Bud and Elizabeth Rednower. I sang lead and played guitar while Elizabeth harmonized and Bud played the keys. It was a pretty great learning experience for all of us. A full band followed after a few years and that is where its gets tougher. More people, more drama, more of me and less of Jesus. It takes awhile to learn personalities and the songs and the tempos and the lyrics (which I most of the time butcher) and the chords ALL while trying to be lead by the Holy Spirit.
After about 5 years of this I moved to Westside Baptist Church where God would continue to mold me. Here is another band, more personalities, more drama, more of me, less of Jesus, more lyrics (or some lyrics depending on what I can remember) and more chords, ALL while trying to be lead by the Holy Spirit. It can be really tough sometimes staying focused on Worship.
This past weekend I was reminded of these things as I played for the YEC (Youth Evangelism Conference) at Parani's Arena in Flint,MI. Over 300 people were there and 40 people surrendered their lives to Jesus that weekend. You know what I was thinking? I think we started this song too fast, too slow, what is the next words, I just butchered that song, this is awesome!, this is horrible, God I love you so much, my hands are freezing, I need to quit dancing cause I got no rhythm, the sound is really echoing, I can't hear my vocals, all I hear are vocals, I forgot to tune my guitar, the bass guitar is out of tune, I'm way flat, I'm way sharp, did I mention i was freezing and my feet are numb! ALL while trying to be lead by the Holy Spirit. Same on Sunday Morning worship service also. It was too loud that day.
Maybe these are taboo to talk about but they're true. I want to be humble and lead by the Holy Spirit more than anything, however, its tough sometimes. I know and understand what God has gifted me with and called me to do but sometimes it is really difficult to stay focused on Jesus and just Jesus. God used me to be a small part in the 40 souls that are changed for the rest of eternity and I was struggling to stay focused. I am a saint who struggles with sin. I used to be a sinner in need of a Savior. The blood of Jesus changed my status.
Its a different experience for me to stand on the floor while another band is leading. I have to close my eyes and concentrate just as hard for that also. I don't sing as loud. I think I read more of the lyrics than anything. I fight the thoughts of watching the drummer or admiring the guitar players fancy licks or how tight their harmonies are while I need to be focused on Me singing the song to Jesus who loves me so much.
Sometimes "I" am leading worship. Sometimes I am being lead. The latter is what I want every time! I am def. more comfortable now than I used to be on stage but God has kept me humble in different ways. I close my eyes alot when I sing. It helps me to stay focused on who I am singing to. I still forget words and chords and worry if we are giving the song justice or not, but I want it to Honor Jesus Christ most of all. I still don't understand why I get to do this. I am so unqualified. I am very grateful though and humbled because God called me to do this. For anyone ever wishing, wanting, desiring, ect., to be a Worship Leader you definitely have to be called. I just don't ever want to throw a concert for a large group of people so I look cool. I am so not cool and actually more awkward than anything. I would rather lead worship to 10 people who would give their left arms to serve Jesus with their whole hearts than 1000 so i can "try" to look cool to them. I hope and pray my heart, soul, mind and all my strength serves Jesus with the gifts He has given me.
